I've Been Admitted to Law School. The Question is...Can I Survive?

Narkoleptomania

Friday, February 04, 2005

Isle of the Has Beens

I’ve had this theory (publishing it will certainly clue my friends in since I’ve been campaigning it for a while). My theory is this; certain public figures should be put on an island and simply never heard of again. The press shouldn’t cover anything having to do with them; people would be able to forget they even existed. They’re a nuisance, they waste precious seconds when we’re compelled to hear about their latest dumb move on the news. They contribute nothing (unless being the butt of late night TV jokes constitutes a contribution) helpful to society. They are annoying. They should vanish. It’s like how Australia was the depository for criminals at one point, except this would be a depository for washed up pop stars and the like. My list thus far goes:

1. Michael Jackson – Yesterday he apparently said that he’s being picked on because he’s a celebrity. No Mike, you’re being picked on because you’re weird, oh and yeah, because you keep ending up in compromising situations with people’s kids. No it is NOT OK to sleep in a bed with somebody’s kid. It is weird – criminal weird.
2. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown – I don’t even think I need to explain that.
3. Paris Hilton – Your questionable “contribution” to society ended with your blatant endorsement of Rick Saloman’s dick. I doubt there’s more to come.
4. Mariah CareyGlitter, nuff said. She’d be allowed back if and only if she stopped thinking it was cool to write her own music and if she NEVER set foot on a movie set again. Let’s face it Mariah, you’re not that deep, anything you write is shit. Do you think it’s a coincidence that your album sales dropped after you started writing your own stuff?
5. Tara Reid – Sweet Christ Why?? Why??

This is my current list. I plan to keep updating it as I find celebrities worthy of the Island. By the way, this is not Survivor, I don’t want them to come back. Suggestions are welcome.